“I don’t know”
Feeling Anxious?
The reasons we feel anxious are many and varied, but let me touch on just one today.
One thing I’ve noticed that fuels anxiety is asking open-ended questions and telling ourselves we don’t know the answer.
We all do it, it's common and mostly we do it unconsciously. So let me give you a few examples to help you catch yourself next time.
Open ended question examples:
Did I just do the wrong thing?
Does that person like me?
What will happen next?
If I was to ask you to answer those questions for yourself, chances are they’d all lead to the same response: "I don’t know."
And “I don’t know” can leave us feeling uncertain, out of control, and stuck in overthinking. Hello, anxiety.
Here’s the trick: Instead of stopping at I don’t know, follow it up with what you DO know.
Let's practice with these examples.
Question: Did I just do the wrong thing?
Answer: I don’t know.
Ask yourself: What do I know?
I don't know but I DO know I’ll cope with what will come.
I don't know but I DO know I’ll learn from it.
I don't know but I DO know I did my best with what I had at the time.
I don't know but I DO know I can apologise if needed.
Add your own answer: I DO know _______________
See what happened? You acknowledged the uncertainty, but you also reminded yourself of what you do know, what’s solid, what’s true, and what’s within your control.
When you close the loop on open-ended questions like this, you create certainty where there was none.
Let's try another example.
Question: Does that person like me?
Answer: I don’t know.
Ask yourself: What do I know?
I DO know I showed up as myself.
I DO know I’m learning and growing.
I DO know what’s meant for me won’t pass me.
I DO know I have good intentions.
Add your own answer: I DO know _______________
Question: What will happen next?
Answer: I don’t know.
Ask yourself: What do I know?
I DO know I will figure it out.
I DO know I can adapt if needed.
I DO know I have the support I need.
I DO know I’m practicing to be flexible, and that will help me.
Add your own answer: I DO know _______________
Leaving the answer as I don’t know is tempting but will only keep you stuck in uncertainty, and uncertainty breeds anxiety.
Shifting to what you do know moves you forward and calms the old brain down.
It helps you focus on what you can do and areas you can improve, not on the things you can't control like the future or other peoples opinions.
So there you go. A simple way to help redirect your thinking and help ease anxiety.
Try it out and let me know how you go.
I know you've got this.
Steph